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Recent Metro Merchants News

Two Games Were Played

By Staff 07/14/2019, 8:30pm CDT

The Merchants played two games on Sunday.

Highlights include Dom tracking down a fly ball and ending up on the ground due to cramping not only in one calf, but BOTH calves. How was he running with double calf cramp? Look at him holding his ish tho, dawg, he's putting the team on his back. Lets go inside the mind of Dom Chenois *beyoop* "Dawg I don't know how I'm running right now though, I don't know why we scheduled a double header on a Sunday. I hate baseball, I want a beer." 

Or something like that, probably.

Graham also put himself in the contention for the furthest bat throw in PNash history with a hammer toss that would've made the Olympic Committee proud.

Fun fact: this game was played in the Sahara Desert. Damn near Tatooine out there, and much like Anakin, our bodies turned to the dark side in the hot sun.... or maybe the red side.

After play had ended for the day, the amount of alcohol that was sweat out was quickly replenished, as burgers and brats were grilled far away from the teenagers who weren't given the opportunity to be effected by our bad influence.

We return Wednesday against the Mudcats.

Fight Into The Night Ends Victorious For Merchants

By Staff 07/11/2019, 8:00am CDT

Merchants returned to league play Wednesday night against the River Rats in an extra-inning back and forth FSN North Game Of The Week. 

Big Dave took the mound and started off strong as the Merchants snuck two across in the early innings to grab a lead. Heading into the top of the 7th with three outs to go to secure a 2-0 victory, Brauer smartly joked "Okay now lets go give up two." The dugout erupted with laughter and fans were seen falling out of their seats due to their extreme hysterics.

But the joke became reality and then some as the Rats scraped three quick runs across to take the lead. With their backs against the wall, the Merchants were able to put one on the board to send us to extras. The Rats then scored again, followed by another Merchants run, with the pattern then broken as Big D put up a goose egg in the next frame and we were off to the bottom of the ninth. 

Jared led off with a line drive that looked to be enough to complete the triple crown, (a lineout to the left, right, and center fielders) but it dropped and he advanced to second. Brauer then wore a pitch off the head (karma for the joke in the 7th?) and we had two on with no outs. After a ground ball out and an error, we had second and third one out, leading to an intentional walk for Powell, which was a smart move as he had been hitting lasers all day. Willie followed it up with a towering fly out that just nicked the moon, paving the way for Dom to watch a passed ball bounce to the backstop, allowing Brauer to shuffle in for the game winner.

The Merchants progression of scoring went: 001100111, which, for all you nerds out there, is 103 runs in binary, so score it how you want.

Moral of the story: Don't joke about letting up runs late in the game or you'll end up with a nasty hit by pitch and a 5:00am call to work the next day.

Merchants look to carry their league play hot streak into a double header against the Pub this Sunday.


In the long and rich history of baseball, no team has ever won a game when scoring zero runs. Many have tried, as the Merchants have tirelessly, but none have come up successful.

The Merchants returned to play against the St. Paul Capitals in White Bear Lake, with Zachy B starting the game and Graham maintaining his impeccable 3:2 ball/strike ratio as he closed it out. The offense produced some hits here and there, but third base proved to be as elusive as ever in the pursuit of home.

The real question of the game was not about the play on the field, but about the field itself. Why the hell were there ponds down each foul line? Makes no sense. The cost of balls lost in this game would've been near enough to pay the umpire. These ponds basically have two purposes: lose baseballs and breed mosquitoes.

After the game the field attendant shut off the lights, leaving us illuminated by the nearby billboard, letting us know that not only was it TSR Time, but time to go.

The Merchants resume league play this Wednesday with the late game against the River Rats.